Just Breathe...

I love this quote "Isn't it crazy how we look back a year ago and realize how much everything has changed? The amount of people that have left your life, entered, and stayed... The memories you won't forget and the moments you wish you did." That pretty much sums up how things have been since the last post. For those of you that have followed this journey with me from the beginning, there have been a lot of changes in my life, some good and some great. One of the biggest changes has been the ending of my marriage and embarking out on a new chapter of my life. I believe in total honesty so its important to note that M.S. was a major point of contention in that relationship. M.S. changes things, it changes people and it changes perception. Not everyone is cut out to handle it we just accept that and move on. I have continued to run and workout very regularly and have even started two beginners running groups. I want to model for other women that disabilities do not have to sideline us from being healthy and living the best life we can live. My M.S. has continued to stay pretty quiet, I have a few days here and there, like this morning in which the hands and the eyes just wouldn't work together, I have headaches sometimes but over all I am miles and miles away from where I was when this hit me almost four years ago. I remember thinking to myself in my first post that my life as I knew it was probably over. I will admit that as my sister drove me home from Nashville after my first round of steroid infusions the first week of my diagnosis, that I was angry and I felt cheated. I feel that for anyone facing a life changing health issue it is important to be honest at some point about your feelings. Little did I know that God was using this not as a set back but as a spring board. Over the past few months I have met someone who is pretty special in my life and he is always reminding me that he is in my corner. Most days I am a pretty tough girl, but some days that little reminder that people are cheering for your success and not waiting for your fall is worth more than anything in the world. The M.S. is always there, and even though it will never go away, it is a reminder for me not of my struggles but of how lucky I really am!

No Weapon Formed Against Me...

I have seen the verse from Isaiah 54:17 that is the title of this blog many, many times. Even though I consider the book of Isaiah to be one of my favorite go to books, I never realized how much that verse "No weapon formed against you shall prosper" really meant to my life. It was about four years ago that I really started realizing something was wrong with me. I remember that the school year was over, and I had a lot of time on my hands but that I couldn't enjoy that time because I couldn't get off the couch for very long. I was so, so tired all of the time. It wasn't just a regular tired, it was a hit by a truck kind of tired and on most days there was no real reason for this! I remember telling my husband something just doesn't seem right. Then a couple of weeks after that I had my first episode in the middle of the night where I couldn't move my legs. Shortly after that we found out I had a small tumor on the base of my brain. We thought "ok, now we know" but little did we know that wasn't the root of the problem. It would take months, and many more appointments to find out that the real culprit was M.S. Fast forward four years, I just came in from a tough work out with my trainer, it was leg day and anyone who works out knows that leg day is the worst day! While I was struggling through a few of my reps at the end of the workout I was thinking about where I was four years ago and how I never imagined that I would be here, right now, not in the best shape by far, but in the best shape of my life. I often wonder about another saying that I hear pretty often, "God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers". M.S. is certainly a battle, I don't know without this diagnosis if I would have pushed myself to run a 5k nearly every weekend, or to run another half marathon this year, or to do zumba like a maniac, or even to put myself through the pain and torture of working out with my trainer! I was doing some reps with the sled today along side some high school volleyball girls. We were all struggling a little bit and while they were starting to get a little silly I realized they are there because they are young and they are trying to get better at their sport, I am there because...I chose to be...because I can't stand the thought of ever going back to the place that I was four years ago...because I want to inspire others to never give up. I know that I am blessed, I thank God many times a day for where I am. I still have bad days, don't get me wrong, but right now I am beating the odds!

It's been awhile...you know what that means!

Wow, it certainly has been a while since my last post. Those of you who have followed me since the inception of this blog know that when it has been a while my health is good. Since my health has been so great, I have been super busy with workouts and running. Now that basketball season is over and I have a few weeks to myself I have really tried to amp it up. I met with my MS specialist about a month ago and he was amazed at the progress I have made since my diagnosis three and a half years ago. He actually showed me a chart that is supposed to be a good predictor of mobility later in the disease. Based on where I am now he feels that my good mobility will continue. He attributes this to a combination of the right medication, my fitness level, and cleaner eating habits. When I began this journey three and a half years ago I was taking around 12 pills a day. I am down to three! We all know that MS hits everyone differently so I am not saying that if you have MS and you do what I am doing you too will have the same results. What I am saying is that there is power in positive thinking. I decided when I started running again a year and a half ago that I was going to do this when I felt good and not feel guilty when I didn't. I have way more good days than bad! I went through the calendar and added up that I competed in 25 5K's last year and a half marathon. I plan to do just as many 5K's this year and TWO half marathons. My running buddy and I are both super busy with our day jobs and our kids so we have started getting a mile in while our students are at lunch and then getting the rest of our runs in at night. I also do Zumba two to three times a week. Anyone who has ever told you that Zumba is just a bunch of people dancing around has clearly never been. It is a FULL BODY workout, but it is so awesome and empowering. I can only thank God for the strength and energy to work and be fit. This definitely didn't seem like the hand I would be holding when the doctor said "You have M.S." I'll try hard to do better at updating but the weather is getting good, so you know... no news is good news!

I Run This

Taking a peek back at the last post it has been a few months since I have updated. Summer has come and gone and I am back into the full swing of school. Health wise I had a fabulous summer, only had a small set back two weeks ago when I picked up this summer cold that everyone has had and it took me almost as long to beat it. Anyone who knows anything about MS knows why that is! I am almost back to full speed ahead and it is a good thing because tomorrow I am running a 5K to raise money for the MS Society. As I was laying out my clothes for the race tomorrow I realized I am fast approaching the three year anniversary of my diagnosis, in fact I am just about 20 days out. As I think back to that day and all that went through my mind, and I recall physically how I felt, running let alone running a 5K wasn't anything I ever expected to be in my future. This will be my 17th 5K in 9 months, I would say I am beating the odds! Tomorrow will not be about me, tomorrow will be about all of my fellow MS'ers. Tomorrow will be about those who are unable to enjoy a quality of life they once knew, tomorrow will be about raising money to find a cure for this monster that has taken so much from those of us who have to live our lives everyday knowing that right now there is no cure. I am lucky, by the grace of God I am able to live a somewhat normal life but it it cannot be said enough that you should not judge my disability by my outward appearance. Just the other day a good friend mentioned how I seem to have beat my MS and in response to that I said that I suffer everyday. I have vision issues, I even have cognitive issues from time to time, but I know that life has to go on and I have to get up and go everyday that I can. Please continue to pray for a cure, some are not as blessed as I have been.

The View From Here

I found this quote while I was doing some research for another piece of writing and I felt that it was so fitting "I run because it's so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can't. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you're capable of so much more than you thought" --Arthur Blank This is my life! The last time I posted I was preparing for my first 5K. As I write this post I am trying to count in my head and I think I am up to 8 5K's and preparing for my first 1/2 Marathon next month. Last year at this same time I was using a cane on some days and sometimes at night if I had to get up. As I was packing tonight for another trip with the company that makes my MS medication (this time to Dallas), and thinking about my journey, I can't believe how much my life has changed since I first heard those words "you have MS". I remember my world feeling like yahtzee dice that had been shaken and spilled onto a table. I didn't know what was ahead, I didn't really even know how I was going to handle it. All I knew for sure was that I had a life that wasn't going to wait for me to figure it out. So many things have happened since that time that have put life into perspective. One of those being my mom's breast cancer diagnosis. I feel like she and I draw strength from each other. The farther we see the other step out onto the limb the more we draw strength within ourselves. My kids have gone from awkward pre-teens to drivers! As I slowly but surely release the stronghold I have had on them, I know that I have to have a life of my own as they move on with theirs. I have said before that I don't want to sugar coat what this disease really does to me, I still have days where my thought process is a little foggy and I have to consciously go through every step in my head while doing something as simple as washing my hair. Some days I don't really feel like going for that run after school, but then I remember there have been days when I couldn't get out of bed, and, sadly there could at anytime be more days like that. There are days that I get half way into my run and ask myself what I am trying to prove and who I am trying to prove it to... the answer is simple: I am trying to prove that I can still have a normal life. As I begin to wind down the school year I also remember how much strength I draw from my students. On the days that my body says stay in bed today, I remember that there is a student or two that is depending on me. The one thing I know for certain is that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest students. I hope I am living up to the task. My running partner Terri, she pushes me when I am weak, she PHYSICALLY pushes me! Dirty Girl Mud Run 2013

Racing in the Rain

It has been a while since my last post. I have been so busy in the last couple of months I just haven't had the time. I figured now, before the holiday rush really gets started I needed to make an update. Thankfully, my health has continued to hold steady. Over the past six weeks, I have been training for a 5K that I will run on December 8. I was an avid runner before my M.S. diagnosis. Since my diagnosis I have not done any running. In October a friend encouraged me to join her in this 5K and I decided I would see if it was something that I could do again. I have been able to push myself to places I thought were long gone. I have remembered why I loved running so much. I love the feel of just running and not having to think about anything or be responsible for anyone except myself. This is my happy place. I am currently reading "The Art of Racing in The Rain" by Garth Stein. As a dog lover, this book is tugging at my heart strings. The author writes about the life of a dog and his race car driver owner, highlighting their closeness and ability to understand each other. One particular section stuck out to me as I read and re-read it several times. As the owner explains to his dog the art of race car driving in the rain he outlines how a driver must always stay in control of his mind and his vehicle in slippery situations in order to stay on the track. While the driver does not always end up where he hoped to be he is still in control of his vehicle and is able to act in a positive manner. He is still able to create an ending to his story and complete the race. I realized how similar this was to my own life. As long as I stay in a positive frame of mind and in control, I might not end up where I expected but I will compete and complete in my own life. As I was walking in to church this morning I realized that at this time last year I had just found out that my disease was still progressing. I began new treatment at the end of December last year and this past year has been so full of blessings and surprises. So maybe I won't be the fastest runner at the 5K, but two years ago I never imagined that I would be able to run again. I thank God everyday for ALL of my blessings!

Never Back Down

The title of this blog is how I feel about life. I am approaching the two year mark of my diagnosis. I was looking back at the early posts on this site and I am amazed at how my mind set has changed, and how I have personally changed. The voice in my early posts was a little more frustrated than in my later posts. I have certainly learned to deal with the pitfalls and obstacles that M.S. carries. I am reminded daily that everyday is a gift to be cherished. Since I began my new medicine last December it seems that my symptoms have been better controlled. This has allowed me to focus my energy on my classroom. Last week I was notified that I am one of the 24 semi finalists for the KY Teacher of the Year award. This means more to me than I could ever express in words. There was a point two years ago where I was afraid that I would not be able to teach. I have had many doors shut but so many more opened and this is a testament to what believing and having faith can produce. As I prepare today to board a plane to Atlanta to begin my speaker training with the drug company that makes my M.S. medication, I am reflecting on the past two years with a full heart. M.S. has certainly taken many things from me, however, I have gained so many things as well.